I'm glad I didn't finish the Autumn 100 ultra-marathon

Love running with my Ridgeway peeps

I was half expecting to be angry at myself. Why go so far and then stop? I'd run 75 miles, and had a flat marathon to go and then it would be over. If I finished I'd have another medal (and I love medals) and I'd be able to slap the backs of my fellow runners with equal glory and everything would be fine.

But I asked myself a question and then took a decision that ended my race, and surprisingly, I never felt any real regret or anger at myself.

Why I run

If I look back at my life, I chose to run for several reasons:

1. My friends were playing tag and I wanted to join in with them
2. It was cheap and I could run in any conditions with any gear
3. I was good at it
4. I noticed that I lost weight
5. I thought it was the right thing to do for my overall health

Why I signed up for the Autumn 100

1. Because at the end I get a medal
2. I love the reactions from people when I tell them I'm running 100 miles
3. I love the reaction from people when they realise that people, in general, can run that far
4. It makes me stand out
5. I get to meet great people and hear a bit about them
6. I'm keeping up with my running friends on their adventures
7. I don't want to say no
8. I don't want to be left out

Gotta beat Jimmy to that photo opportunity

If I compare the honest truths of the points above then I can see a clear line between what might be considered a healthy social outlook to one that's somewhat selfish, sensitive and with something to prove. I'm not sure I've explained myself well enough here, but overall I feel as if I'm running for the wrong reasons.

I can't say exactly when the switch occurred. I'm also not saying all of the points above are right or wrong, and I'm sure they change for each run as well, but I knew when I was sitting in the chair in Goring I couldn't use the ultra-marathon points to generate motivation to get up and go*. 

So that's why, just for me, I'm glad that I DNF'd

For me to admit defeat and walk away from an easy-ish victory is a big thing for me. I'd finally asked the question, 'why am I doing this?' and I came up blank. And that was the decision made. No pressure, no desire for a trinket and a t-shirt I'll never use. No success social media posting. No 'business-as-usual' Sean's done it again. Nope, this time I was honest with what my feelings had said and I'd have to face that I, Sean Parry, knowingly allowed myself to fail.

For me, that's huge.

Still love a good run and a good photographer

But, I still had a great time

• I got to spend hours, and hours, with good friends to share stories, trivia and experiences that otherwise I would never have got a chance to know
• I saw familiar faces and felt genuine joy knowing they were out there too
• I got to see a bunch of the countryside I'd not seen before
• I ran 75 miles and came away with a few blisters. Go body!

How will this event affect my future running event decisions?

I won't run the Ridgeway again anytime soon, that's for sure. I hate that trail.

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* Well technically that's a lie. I'd asked myself the question of why I was doing this. Came up blank. Took the decision, but waited for a friend. If fates had aligned, then I would have ran in support of that friend, and I was even annoyed that I left them before**, but as the hour slipped by I was resigned to my decision and stepped out of the race.

** Call me sentimental, silly or creepy, but when I saw my friend, who had taken the decision to not carry on the run but did so anyway, come up only a few miles behind me I was half-tempted to turn and run with them adding the extra miles to my run. A little fantastical perhaps, but for me knowing that there's someone out there that's willing to go that extra mile in support of someone, anyone, is a deeply held belief for me. How different would our runs have been had I made that decision? And on a similar note, that's why I think volunteers who are giving up their time are simply awesome.

Garmin data for the nerds (75 miles of 100)

Still a bloomin' long way